Saturday, December 17, 2011

for the 'Toy Story' loving boys

*sung to the tune of frere jauques*

Buzz Lightyear, Buzz Lightyear
and Woody too, and Woody too
Go on a space adventure
We'll blast off on our spaceship
to beyond... to beyond!

Friday, December 16, 2011

*this moment*

"A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember." ~SouleMama



Monday, December 12, 2011

Santa's got it easy.

Santa's got the easy job.  He just gets to chat with cute little kids all day, hand out sweet treats and fill their souls with anticipation of magic.   My boys give him hugs and kisses and will wait in long lines over and over at the chance to give him second and third hugs.  This Santa visit is from three years ago, long before I knew how hard this mom job would become.  Naively I thought once I was past potty learning and figuring out what I could get them eat it would be all fun times.  Just hanging with the boys!  
Little did I know that the social complexities of being 3,4,5 and 6 would be more than my frail anxieties could ever hope to grasp.  I take life day by day and try to figure out fun ways to deal with vacillating emotions and the need for rough and tumble knock me down play.  The latter always ending either with rolls of laughter or shrieks of pain.  



They are my guides. 


Thankfully, they tell me the uncensored truth about what they want, need, feel, think and dream. 



But, I still have a lot to learn.  I called myself a parenting book junkie.  I wanted to know all of it.  Everything.  I wanted at least 3 answers for every problem faced.
And it has helped tremendously, I lean on Positive Parenting books and blogs, putting the advice in practice daily.  I use little tricks I've learned and dance on the inside when they work wonders to smooth out little parenting wrinkles.

This year my family has made new friends for life, cherished long time friends, and lost friends due to my undeniable 'differentness.'  I've also found that online friends can become just as dearly loved as anyone else you would call a friend.  

None of it came without struggle.  I learned a lot about my social insecurities.  I always expected friends to be honest and straightforward, I suppose that just happened to be the type of friend I've always had.  But now as a 'mommy' and meeting 'mommy friends' I've learned that smiling politely is preferred to honest expressions of feelings.  But thats not what I want to teach my children.  I don't make them share, I don't force them to be polite when they are unhappy, I don't make them give hugs and kisses.  

My boys see me share everything and they follow suit.  They share when they want, because it makes them feel good. 
From this choice, I have one child who prefers to keep most things for himself, and one that gives away everything.  He will break a cookie in half to share and then when he gets to the last bite of his half, thinks twice and looks around to see who he can give the last bite too.  Sharing makes him incredibly happy.

But, if they are unhappy it is their right to scream and cry and express their hurt, they do not get punished or corrected.  I never tell them to 'be happy' or 'play nice.'  Their feelings are valid and they are allowed to feel upset, they have found their own ways of calming down and making themselves feel better.  Sometimes with hugs from me and sometimes on their own.

As for forcing hugs and kisses, we've just never been comfortable with that and thankfully we've never run in to a situation where this has been a concern.  I have read a lot about all of the reasons why you wouldn't make your children give hugs and I feel like I'm on the right track with the decision. 

These are just a few of the social issues that plague my mind.  Everyday brings a new challenge.  When we are at public play areas or at play dates with new friends I can't help but worry.